That Church is so Gay! May 18, 2009

I have been thinking about being a Welcoming Congregation and how it is an ongoing process. I hear stories that some worried we would become a gay church by making the commitment of being a Welcoming Congregation.

And I say, “Bring it on!” I would love for us to be a gay church.

I want to share with you a blog post from my colleague in Providence, RI, the Rev. James Ishmael Ford:

HOW TO BECOME A GAY CHURCH: A Call to a New Age in Spiritual Community

In the end, he takes the congregation through a journey of repentance. We cannot deny the pain and suffering our gay/lesbian/bi and trans brothers and sisters. And in Southwest Florida it is rough. Imagine being a queer high school youth in these parts. Imagine being raised thinking you were unnatural and hell-bound.

When I think of those kids in junior high and high school, I know that I want us to be a gay church.

“How to Respond to a Racist Joke” By Carmen Van Kerckhove May 12, 2009

Friends,

I thought this might be a helpful resource from someone whose work I really admire (also, check out a great she is in on called Racialicious.com).  Her bio and pitch follow:

Carmen Van Kerckhove, president of the diversity education firm New Demographic, specializes in working with corporations to facilitate relaxed, authentic, and productive conversations about race. She has appeared on CNN, MSNBC, and has visited as a guest lecturer at Harvard, Princeton, and Columbia, among many other colleges and universities across the country. If you want to learn how to boost your career by mastering the changing dynamics of race in today’s workplace, get your FREE TIPS now at www.NewDemographic.com.

How to Respond to a Racist Joke

By Carmen Van Kerckhove

Figuring out how to react when a co-worker makes a racist joke can be extremely difficult. If you don’t call the person out on her racism, you seem to be condoning the behavior. But if you do say something, you risk alienating him and sabotaging your working relationship.

The best response to a racist joke should accomplish 3 things:

1. Communicate that you find this behavior unacceptable.
2. Demonstrate that the joke is racist.
3. Inflict as little damage as possible to your working relationship with the joker.

Before I explain the response I would recommend, let’s look at some of the other possible reactions available to you and why they are not ideal.

You don’t laugh.

Withholding your laughter is a way to avoid personally colluding in this kind of racist behavior without damaging your relationship with the joker. However, by staying silent, you do not necessarily make it clear that you find this kind of humor unacceptable and that the joke is racist.

You walk away.

People who tell racist jokes assume that you will agree with and appreciate this kind of humor. By walking away, you communicate that their behavior is unacceptable. However, the act of walking away does nothing to demonstrate the racism inherent in the joke, and the gesture is likely to anger the joker.

You say that you find the joke offensive because it is racist.

This is the most straight-forward to respond to a racist joke. With this reaction, you convey that the joke is unacceptable to you and that it is racist. However, by criticizing your co-worker in front of others in such a blunt manner, you are likely to damage your working relationship and put her on the defensive. She will likely fire back by making it seem as if you are the one with the problem. She will say that “it’s just a joke,” that you need to “loosen up,” and that you’re “just too sensitive.”

I’ve established why the above responses are not particularly effective. So how should you react if your co-worker tells a racist joke in front of you?

The best strategy is to play dumb.

Put on a bewildered expression, act as if you don’t understand the joke, and ask your co-worker to explain it to you. He will not be able to explain why the joke is funny without evoking a racist stereotype. You can then question the veracity of this stereotype, thus pointing out the racism of the joke, without being confrontational and without humiliating your co-worker.

Here’s how it would play out.

***
Co-worker: Did you hear that Angelina Jolie adopted another kid, this time from Vietnam?

You: Oh really?

Co-worker: Yeah. The poor kid probably doesn’t even know he’s Asian yet. He certainly doesn’t know he’s going to be a horrible driver. Or that he’s going to be amazing at doing nails. He has no idea! [Laughs heartily.]

You: [Look perplexed.] Sorry, I don’t get it.

Co-worker: What do you mean?

You: I guess I’m missing something. Why is that funny?

Co-worker: [Looks embarrassed.] Um, well you know how people say that Asians are bad drivers. And a lot of people who work at nail salons are Asian.

You: But those are just stereotypes, aren’t they?

Co-worker: Well, all stereotypes have some truth to them.

You: So you actually believe that all Asians are bad drivers and are good at doing nails?

Co-worker: No, no, it’s just… Never mind.

***
Racist jokes rely on an unspoken, shared knowledge of racist stereotypes. Without the stereotypes, there is no humor.

When you play dumb and ask someone to explain the joke, you are able to draw the racist stereotype out into the open, address it directly, and demonstrate how absurd and offensive it is. But because you are feigning ignorance, you can accomplish all of this without alienating your co-worker and putting your working relationship in jeopardy.

(By the way, the joke I used in this scenario is an actual joke told on The Tonight Show by a comedian named Chelsea Handler. Of course, nobody on the show bothered to point out how racist it was.)

© 2004-2009 New Demographic.

Nesting in Unexpected Places May 8, 2009

My mother-in-law has a wreath on her front door that has become an bird’s nest. New life begins in the most unexpected places. As assumed premiers of consciousness, we humans are obligated to care for life in its beginnings and accountable to life that will continue on long after we are gone.

There is a fragility to life. The same day we discovered the birds, wandering dogs, potentially abandoned, took a tour of the grounds and found human friends in our church administrator Millisa and our volunteer Audrey. The dogs got water; Millisa and Audrey fretted over their well-being, the bony big dog who needed food.

And the love continued….Millisa, worried for the baby birds who were nested low to the ground, had pink ribbon marking off the area so that the thrashers might thrive and not be disturbed. Yesterday I saw only two babies and wondered about the black snakes that might have taken one of the three. Of the remaining two, one birdlet had ventured a few paces from the nest, perching in the jasmine with her mouth open for nourishment. The other was on the ground at the base of the bush, it’s beak pushed out in defiance with a ridiculously cute puff of baby-feathers on her head. And all the while the mother came and went, bring food and swooping away any foes.

The web of nature is so vast that we as stewards of it truly have little control of the egg-eating crows or birdlet-munching blacksnakes. We do, however, have control of our own behaviors. I can choose to protect life and see myself as only a small bit of a larger, wondrous system. It’s not about me. And yet, I am one speck of all creation who is entirely worthy of love and care- as all specks are.

This leads me to always wonder, why must I drive a car that spews carbon into the atmosphere? Why must use so many electronics? Why must I use styrofoam and plastic grocery bags? Why do I kill cockroaches and ants? When will the guilt end and the right-living begin?

So I ask hope to nest in my heart, to remind me of the right-living I already do. And, on occasion, I require a gentle nudge towards revelation of what still yearns for wholeness. And so my guilt and frustration is incubated in the shell of compassion and grace. And a vision of gratitude and responsible action is hatched.

Congratulations, FGCU graduates! May 4, 2009

It was an honor to be the invocation speaker for FGCU’s 2009 Commencement.  I had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful folks and seeing some familiar faces.

Here are the words from yesterday’s invocation:

In witness of all that is holy in our lives, I invite you into the spirit of prayer and meditation..

Spirit of Life, God of many names and Mystery,

Today marks the beginning of new life, new hope, and new promises.  We give thanks for all the sweat, all the brain power, and all the determination that brought these graduates to this moment, knowing that for every student we might also give thanks for the resources provided to them- loving friends and family, staff and faculty– many of whom gather here today with joy and pride in their hearts.

It is a path well traveled that brings us together in this singular moment of celebration and achievement, on the threshold of new life and opportunity.  We come with a healthy dose of fear and trembling, wondering, what will I be? And Love answers back with the question, how will you live? And though the future is not without challenges, let us aim our minds bodies and spirits towards a life lived deliberately= choices made wisely that value that which is most sacred in our lives.  Though we gather among thousands, in these few moments, we send our blessings to each individual graduate here today- that each of you will commit to bringing your best self to the future- letting your light shine to serve the earth and her people.  For each of you are on a threshold, entering into a new passage.  As you step into your success, give thanks and choose to bless the world with all that you are and all that you shall be.